


hard cool steel

by howlingheartdemigod (helpmeimstuckon)



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Everyone dies for a minute there, Gen, Ikathon sucks, Mind Manipulation, Possession, sorry about that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 15:14:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18122864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helpmeimstuckon/pseuds/howlingheartdemigod
Summary: “You told me once… You asked me if this was the day you had to kill me. Remember that?”“City of Beasts. Under that well. You’d been charmed. That’s what’s happening now, isn’t it Caleb? Another charm spell to beat out of you.”-Beau and Caleb remissness at the end of the world.





	hard cool steel

**Author's Note:**

> originally written while watching ep 55 on stream, then posted on tumblr. find me there at howlingheartdemigod  
> if you really like it, my ko-fi is /howlingheart  
> please forgive any mistakes, this is unbetaed  
> -  
> title from an atticus poem  
> “find that one you love and let them burn you,  
> let them burn you like the sun,  
> let your love and hate fuel the fire,  
> and the more vulnerable you become,  
> the hotter you will burn  
> until you are nothing but molten ash.  
> and when that fire cool,  
> your love will be,  
> a hard cool steel,  
> and nothing will break you.  
> For together you have been the sun.”

“You said once this was the day you all feared.” Caleb’s fingers were sparking with flame, the coils passing between them, twisting back and forth. Beau’s staff was lying broken at her feet, her hair escaping its tie, her face covered in ash, in soot, in blood. In tear tracks. She looked back, seeing Jester’s form, lying across Fjord’s, both lifeless, both dead. Jester’d been trying to save him. She’d been trying to do the right thing. She looked beyond that, seeing Nott lying, she thought maybe she saw the hint of movement, the intake of breath. She hoped her eyes weren’t tricking her. She swallowed, and turned her head back, knowing already the state Caduceus was in, bloodied on the ground, already knowing that Yasha was lying no more than ten feet off from her. Already knowing that her own blue robes were coated in the aasimar’s blood from where she’d cradled her as she bled out. She already knew that there was nothing to be done to save them. Nothing she could do, at least.

“What the fuck are you talking about, Caleb?” She said, taking a step towards him, fists curled at her sides. The smell of singed flesh, of smoke filled her nose as she took a breath, trying to steady herself.

Caleb glanced back at her, then looked back out over the ocean. “You told me once… You asked me if this was the day you had to kill me. Remember that?”

“City of Beasts. Under that well. You’d been charmed. That’s what’s happening now, isn’t it Caleb? Another charm spell to beat out of you.” The wind whipped around them, and Beau felt a bit of a push as she took another step towards him. The air was thick with exhaustion. “You’re doing this because you’re scared. Because he’s in your head.”

Caleb took a long breath, she watched his shoulders lift and drop slowly. She glanced around their battle field, thinking of anyway to help her friend. Thinking of any way to beat him that didn’t involve hurting him. There was nothing but charred earth. She looked back to him, a hand dipping into the pocket, to the thin chain that she needed to get around his neck, then she lifted her gaze to the swirling storm above them. An unnatural thing, they already knew. Not something sent from Yasha’s god, but something manifested by magic. Something dangerous.

“I have to.” He said, and there was something broken in his voice. “I have to do this Beau.”

“You really don’t.” she said. “You’ve… Caleb we need to move fast to help our friends. We need to get to a Cleric. Nott could be dying, you know that, right?” She said, pleading, trying to reason with him regardless. Despite the fact that they now knew that Ikathon had been in his head for weeks. Despite the fact that he’d killed Yasha in front of her before she’d even been able to tell her that she loved her. Despite everything, she couldn’t help but look at him and see her friend Caleb, even with the film on his vision. She took a breath, looking at him. “Caleb, please. You’re stronger than this.”

He stared at her, then shook his head. “What you said then, I realized it was true.” He said.

“Are you trying to monologue at me?” Beau shouted a little, exasperated.

“It’s true, Beau. Because you’re the only one of them who is strong enough to do that.” He turned to her, and there was fear in his eyes, tears. “You’re the only one who’d be able to do this.” He twitched a little, and she saw the cold hard steel come up behind his eyes, and a voice she did not recognize called “ _Do it, Bren! She’s trying to stop us!”_ Caleb flinced again, and it was him behind the hazy eyes once more. He looked up to her, and took a breath, tears in her eyes. “You’re the only one who really could. Because… Because you’re a seeker of truth. And the truth is, I am a horrible person and didn’t ever deserve any of you.”

“That’s not true.” She said, holding a hand towards him. “Come on, Caleb, you know that isn’t true.”

“It is! It is, Beauregard!” He argued, a burning hand curling towards his chest, clutching at his heart. The wind picked up. “I do not deserve your kindness!”

“No, you deserve us. You deserve kindness! You deserve love. That horrible fucker in your head is the only reason you think you don’t. Shove him out, pull it together, and help me fix this!” She called, swinging an arm out to their fallen friends.

Caleb stared at her. “You are the only one who can end this.” Voice near a whisper, only carrying to her on some lucky gust of wind. “Which is why I have to kill you. He’s going to make me and I’m starting to lose track of what’s him and what’s me.”

“Then focus on what you know. Your name is Caleb Widowgast. You are my friend. You don’t want me dead. And I don’t want to have to kill you.” She said, hold a hand palm out towards him, trying to pacify him. “And there has to be a way to get him out of your head. We just have to figure it out.”

Caleb looked at her, head tilting. He shook his head, looking past her. His eyes skipped across the battlefield, then locked onto their nearest fallen friend, on Yasha. “I’m so sorry, Beauregard. I know how you felt for her.”

“Don’t.” She snapped. She didn’t know if she’d be able to keep focus if he tried to use Yasha against her.

“You told me you were going to kill me if need be. And now, it seems, it is needed. So I am very sorry, Beauregard, but you will have to join them.”

Beau nodded, and sniffed. She lifted the back of her hand, scrubbing some blood off her face. “I’m so sorry Caleb.” Beau said. Then, without further hesitation, she moved to kill.

 

* * *

 

Beau rested on her knees, Caleb’s head in her lap. She brushed his hair back, sobbing a little. She dug a potion out, pouring it into his mouth, hoping the medallion she’d slung around his neck would be enough to keep Ikathon out. Would be enough to save him. She took a breath, and said a quiet prayer to Ioun, even when this wasn’t at all her goddesses realm of expertise. She just wanted to keep him alive.  

Beau closed her eyes, and prayed, and pleaded. And she felt breath come back to Caleb. Beau let out a little gasp. “There we go.” she said, looking down, seeing clear, though confused eyes. None of the haze from the last few weeks was there. “There you are. There’s my brother back.” She said, clear blue eyes meeting clear blue eyes.

“What have a done.” He whispered, starting to turn his head.

Beau caught his face. “No time for that now, Caleb.” She said. “Whatever you were going to do here, whatever way you were going to bend reality. Use it to fix this.” She said, moving to help him sit up. She moved around quickly to face him, his form curling into himself. “You’ve got this.” She said, a hand on his shoulder.

Caleb lifted his gaze to what was around him, to the death and decay and scorched ground, terror in his eyes. “I did this, I hurt them, I kill-”

“You did not do this. Ikathon did this. You are the one who is going to fix this.” She replied, “You can do this. Right?” There was something desperate in her tone, something that drew his eye.

He swallowed and nodded. “I can try.”

Beau nodded in return, and reached to hold one of his hands, more for her than him.

Caleb took a breath and closed his eyes, thinking of his friends. Thinking of how it was the only way. Thinking of his mother and father. Thinking of his goals. Thinking of how high the chance that he’d never be able to try this again.

Then thinking of Beauregard. Thinking of how hard she’d fought for something, anything, permanent. Thinking that he had to, for her, at least _try_ even if it maybe meant losing the chance to fix his past mistakes.

Caleb nodded, looked at his sister, the family he found, and took a breath. Then spoke. “I wish…”


End file.
